the time will come when they have had enough.. no more fulfilling obligatory duties as a friend.. if i continue down this path of treachery that i have forged for myself.. in a land of smoke filled distention that beckons to relieve me if only for a little while.. but never quite getting there in its empty bubbles of candy coated promises..i reach for it everytime i feel the floor crumbling beneath me but it only lengthens the agony as it gives me a lifeline.. and leaves me hanging in the big gaping empty hole that you have made for me.. teasing me.. until i can take it no more and i plunge into it headfirst with all the regret of the world..

their constant advice and encouragement always fully appreciated.. but never fully taken.. heard but not listened.. when will they give up their games of pity and destroy me for the wreck i am.. i can only wonder if i do not pick myself up from the rubble left behind from the bombings of stalingrad

invisible bullets come raining down on me.. unintentional.. but they pierce my non existent defences.. dissolved into nothingness by the very fact that you do not know what you are doing to me..

it is not their fault.. it is not your fault

delirious.. the virus is biting into my consciousness

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